There are so many adjectives that could be used to answer
this question. The variety of adjectives
will elicit a variety of emotions. As
the process of becoming a father is a never ending development there is no singular
adjective that would adequately answer the above question.
When you first start out on the journey to fatherhood it is
mostly fun and happiness. This is
courtesy of the easily manipulated male brain.
The path to fatherhood starts with a great deal of action for yourself
and of course your member. This is why
when the talk about whether it is time to reproduce surfaces it is so easy to
consent to continuing our paths to adulthood by taking the next step and
becoming parents.
I remember when Julia and I started to talk about having
kids. You are never quite ready but you
know that this is the next logical step to take in your journey together. The reason why it is so easy to consent to
this next step is very much due to the fact that we as humans have absolutely
no idea what it is like to be a parent until we actually have our own. No matter how many books you read you will
never be adequately prepared for what is about to happen to your lives.
During the whole of Julia’s pregnancy it felt like
I was just tagging along as a spectator.
As a man your involvement in the pregnancy is very limited. You get to experience all the discomfort and
aches and pains that your wife experiences through observation only. I felt very disconnected from the little baby
that was growing inside of Julia. At
times I felt a bit jealous that she had gotten a head start in the relationship
with our offspring. It is an irrational
thought but I felt that Julia and the baby would have this stronger bond as she
had carried the baby inside her and I would feel like an outsider trying to win
the infants affections. This is the
thing; how are we as dads to know how this little creature will react to
us. They already know who their mothers
are as they have been with them for ten months already before they are formally
introduced to us.
Luckily for us fathers the baby will be born knowing who we
are. From the first moment they will
recognise us even before they first see us.
They will do this as they will have heard us talking to them and their
mothers the whole time that they have been inside. They will have heard you yelling at the
referee and if you are lucky they will even know your name from the countless
occasions that your wife has yelled at you.
I think for me the most daunting moment was not when our
first was born but rather the next day.
There is so much going on at that moment that you are in a bit of a
stupor just trying to enjoy the moment and make sure that mom and baby are
contented. We had a home birth for our
first child and thus I was very much involved in the whole process. I was in the pool helping and then afterwards
we got mom and Bella into our bed to rest.
Once that was done I was helping to clean up and empty the pool and make
sure that the midwife and her doula had all their stuff. We were very lucky to have a rather well
known paediatric doctor with us as I was participating in a study on male
hormone fluctuations during the birthing process. Due to the presence of the doctor we had
peace of mind with regards to the health of our little one. Once they were all out the door I just passed
out.
So the most daunting moment actually was when we woke up in
the morning with this little creature in our care and I realised that we are
the ones solely responsible for their survival. I remember thinking will I know what to do,
but you do not need to know what to do as our instincts are very well tuned to
rearing children. The best advice is to
follow those instincts wholeheartedly.
Just know that becoming a parent is a scary thing. But like most things in life; the scarier
they are the more rewarding the experience can be.
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